Ok, so where to go from here? I love how in less than a month, so much can change in a persons life. How does that happen? And why do I keep putting myself in the worst situations ever, to get myself hurt?! My boyfriend broke up with me just over a week ago, to 'work things out with his ex so his family can be together.' Which this, is something that I understand. But it sucks because he tells me he still cares about me, and now there are issues going on with him and his ex but I cant do anything to help because I think I just cloud more judgement. :-( so now what to with things? Its waaaaay too long and complicated to type out the whole issue and explain exactally how I feel about things. But I will tell you all that I am tired, of .... not being used,,, becasue I dont think thats what he is doing here and if he is its not on purpose. BUt I am tired of putting myself in these situations where I know they may not/will not work out how I want but I keep going on with them blindly untill it all blows up in my face leaving me hurt. WHY????????! It is VERY aggravating.
so how do you pick up when you have let all the pieces drop to the floor? Its something I am not great at. I need distraction, which I sorta have, My nephew was just born! Jack D Smith was born 1.25am on tuesday june 14th 2011. 7 lbs 3oz and 20 inches long. Mom and Baby are doing well. so yay for babys! but that still dosnt stop me from thinking what should i do?
I know the whole work on me thing... but I want to be with someone. and not just be with someone for the sake of being with someone. although sometimes It crosses my mind that thats the reason.... but with this guy it was diffrent, I want that, with someone who wants to keep me. I think thats the part that sucks the most, if he was just all meh i dont wanna be with you i wanna be with her, i think that would be easier than i want to see if this will work out.... and i still really like you and care for you, but we cant be together anymore.
Like it dosnt even matter about my feelings or what 'we' could be. That dosnt matter, now i get that its family he's thinking about so thats why i am so torn. it sucks, and i am mad! Mad at Him because he was the one who did this to me and hurt me. AND Iam mad at MYSELF for letting this happen when I figured it would, but tryed to be her optimistic self and think otherwise. I hate hate hate this feeling of 'i told you so' that is looming over me. It sucks and I dont want to deal with it. I have a question, When is it my turn? When is it my turn to be in-love, and have everyone love him too, and be happy? when is it my turn to have someone care for me that i am attracted to? when is it my turn to not be left. This is not fair!!!!
Please, any advise is gladly taken.
