starting new

hey yall! so i think i am starting new. Things ahve been changing, some for good some not, but im rolling with things as they come. I have started smoking again, hoping that will help me graze less and in turn loose some weight. I have fallen more distant with ian, not in a i hate him and am trying to teach him a lession way, but in a we are just both not hanging out as much. I think we are truly becoming just friends. well fwb lol. I mean I do love him, but i know that he dosnt want a relationship now at all. other than friends. I know that if you look at it in a certain way, that he is just using me, but when it comes down to it i guess i would be using him too. I have physical needs and he fixes my emotional needs sometimes too. I know its not super great, well healthy for me, but u dont know as if i care now. I do need to get out and start dating again. I dont know how i will do that .. just go out or what, but I need to start over again. I need to focus on me or other things willl never come. I need to have nancy time. I want to get my stuff straight at work so I can move on. I want to help people. I want to be in human services within the company. BUt i need to keep my focus at work. I think it would be fun to take a trip, or move somewhere. but i have so much here ... reasons to stay. Im not sure. I just think it would be good for my spirit. I will be going on vacation soon tho, so I am trying to save money. I neeed to anyways because i have so many bills that i dont have the money to pay them. ok well i guess i need to stop rambling on and i should go .. idk do something. yay ok untill next time! xoxo